We need this man as the Buffet's official spokesman

The Maitre d'

From Fark, here is a story of a man after our own collective heart.

If we can get this man to brandish his assault chainsaw whilst standing proudly atop the roof of the Snake Hooptie, I think we may actually be able to enter some parades.

Seriously, check this out:

"A Burnsville man is in jail awaiting charges of second-degree assault for allegedly threatening a man with a chainsaw at a bar..."

- "Burnsville Man Arrested in Chainsaw Threat at Bar", MyFox Twin Cities

See more articles from: Mystery Meat

Comments

Discuss this article on the Chainsaw Buffet forums.

The Chef

Hey!

October 9, 2008 12:57 PM

Two points:

1) I thought I was the official spokesman for the Buffet.

2) I think I've been to that bar. Seriously.

The Maitre d'

Offical spokesman

October 9, 2008 01:01 PM

Well, I mean another official spokesman. One that's not already affiliated with the site. A professional... of sorts.

... or whatever. I don't care about official titles and such anyway. Here's the question: do you want to see a dude assaulting people with a chainsaw from atop the Snake Hooptie's roof, or don't you?

Think very carefully before you answer.

The Maitre d'

New article series idea!

October 9, 2008 01:50 PM

I think I've been to that bar. Seriously.

We need to do a series of articles where we calculate the degrees of separation between you and assorted newsmaking whackjobs. The results could be creepy.

In honor of Election 2008: The Most Batsh** Insane Election Ever, the first installment needs to attempt to link you to both Bill Ayers and the Alaskan Independence Party.

The Chef

Er...no.

October 9, 2008 03:12 PM

I think you take my comments entirely too seriously.

The Maitre d'

Indeed.

October 9, 2008 04:21 PM

I take everything too seriously.

reaperman

Huzzah!

October 9, 2008 07:29 PM

Hooray!

The Chef

What?

October 9, 2008 08:17 PM

What, exactly, were you cheering?

The Maitre d'

He just got internet back...

October 10, 2008 11:10 AM

... after being down for like 5-6 days. Maybe he's just cheering that he can come to this site.

The Chef

I wouldn't.

October 10, 2008 01:32 PM

I wouldn't.

"Why do we always come here? I guess we'll never know! It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show!"

The Maitre d'

Thanks for the marketing.

October 10, 2008 02:03 PM

I'll be sure to include that on the promo cards: "75% of our regular contributors don't hate the site!"

The Chef

I think you're being optimistic.

October 10, 2008 03:25 PM

There you go, being overly optimistic again.

The Maitre d'

I'm never optimistic.

October 10, 2008 04:23 PM

I'm not. Someone try to refute that.

The Chef

I can.

October 10, 2008 04:31 PM

I can. Just now, you overestimated the number of regulars here who don't hate the site. Assuming you don't hate it, that means it's more like 25%.

The Maitre d'

Wow.

October 10, 2008 05:17 PM

If "only 25% of our regular contributors hate the site" counts as optimism, then apparently the world really is as depressing as I think it is.

The Chef

No, you misunderstand.

October 10, 2008 06:08 PM

I was meaning, assuming the category includes you, almost 25% of our regular contributors don't hate this place. Not the other way around. So you were being too optimistic.

reaperman

Hmmmm....

October 10, 2008 10:04 PM

I just had a shirt idea for Chainsaw Buffet.

The Chef

Yes.

October 11, 2008 08:55 AM

Well, I hope I get credit for it.