This is part 2 of a two-part series. Read The Chainsaw Buffet Live-Action Jones-Fest 2007 Part 1 here.

Lemon Meringue Pie

There isn't really much to say about this one. With its creamy yellow color, it did indeed capture the essence of its namesake pie - that, or lemonade left too long in the sun.

The flavor is best described as "the smell of lemon-scented floor cleaner poured over your taste buds". But, as they say on infomercials, that's not all! Once again, we have the horrible aftertaste of pie crust thrown in to help complete the experience!

In short:

Jen: "No more pies, please...least offensive of the pies. The lemon kills the crust."

Geoffrey: "Pine Sol and pie crust."

Apple Pie

There's a certain point at which this session devolved into "Yup, this tastes nasty, too.", and you actually run out of words to describe the horrors inflicted on your taste buds. Neither of the remaining flavors were terrible enough to inspire much more disgust than we'd already gone through. In fact, the last two fell firmly into the "it's not good, but it's not awful" category. Maybe getting the worst flavors over with first was a bad idea.

The soda smelled like cinnamon and apples, which was a turn-off for some, but not too bad for others. Because of our experience with its blueberry relative, I suspected that it would taste more like a candle based on apple pie than like apple pie itself.

It tasted like apples and madness. Er, cinnamon. And peel. Lots of peel. It was like eating an apple, except that we were drinking soda. Need I even mention what the aftertaste was like?

Jen: "I've lost the will to live. I hate the pies. Tastes like Red Delicious peels.

Dylan: "Smells of apples and cinnamon. I hate apples and cinnamon. Tastes somewhere between apple juice and actually eating an apple."

Christmas Cocoa:

There isn't much else to say about the cocoa flavor. Like Gingerbread Man, we expected it to be less disgusting than the rest because it was a mass-released flavor. I couldn't tell any difference between it and Chocolate Coins, as both tasted like carbonated Tootsie Rolls. However, the Maitre d' disagreed.

Dylan: "Not quite the same as Chocolate Coins IMO. Can't quite describe the difference, except not as strong and full chocolate taste."

I was going to write a little haiku about Jones Soda holiday flavors, but frankly I'm tired and don't want to write any more about this shit. There, we're done.

See more articles from: Will Dylan Eat It?

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