The Maitre d': A Legacy of Failure (in Pixels) - Part 3
Editor's Note Dire Warning: I should warn you, I'm feeling uncharacteristically good right now, so you'll be treated to 50% less bitterness and self-deprecation this episode than in the leading episode of A Legacy of Failure! Hooray!
In our previous episode of A Legacy of Failure, we finished up the Maitre d's illustrious career in failing at Photoshop. Er, I mean, GIMP. Because the Maitre d' is too cheap to buy Photoshop, and too honest to pirate it. Well, not so much honest, as just scared that the Feds are gonna pull up in a black van the moment I do.
Funny
So anyway, we now move on to a folder called "funny." If labeling my previous folder as "art" was audacious, then calling any of my humorous work "funny" is a filthy baldfaced lie. This is because I'm simply not funny.
Back in my Jedi Legacy days, it was well-known around the Cantina that I wasn't funny. In fact, I was the opposite of funny, because I either killed jokes or ran them into the ground. That's right, guys. You know how you're always telling me I suck the fun and humor out of things? You were not the first to observe that phenomenon. Hah!
Let's start off with some good ol' All Your Base photoshoppery. If you're not familiar with the "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" meme, then... get off my got-dang internets, you whippersnapper. I was chatting on IRC before you could even hold a mouse! Kids these days got no respect for the classics...
... anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. "All your base."
I can't remember the exact context, but there was a thread on The Massassi Temple General Discussion forum dedicated to some new meme called "Phat Pimpin'." And by new meme, I mean something a random guy on the forums just made up. Actually, I'm not even sure it was really a meme. I think it was a bunch of people posting "phat pimpin'... word" to a forum thread with the occasional photoshoppery sprinkled it. Anyway, I had to throw in this little tidbit to the mix:
Ooh. How original. And while we're at it, here's a photo from a college trip to Cleveland, Ohio that I captioned:
And Chad, in case you're wondering, that is who you think it is with me in the picture.
OK, so those two pictures were crappy captioning jobs. Let's get into some real photoshoppery here. At my job in college, I frequented WebProWorld because my boss was absolutely obsessive over finding a magic trick to get good search engine rankings. So at one point, they had a contest to Photoshop Garrett (the editor of their newsletter) in one way or another. My first entry was this:
I also submitted this entry, which I am quite proud of:
I swear I also did a Photoshop of him as Beck Gold from Big O at one point, but I have no idea where I put it.
Next: enjoy more fine photoshoppery as I have Arby (of Jedi Legacy fame) visit places far and wide!
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Piss Boy
lolz
The Maitre d'
You may be thinking of...
Or at least that's the one where Jeff Goldblum hacks the alien spaceship with a freaking Mac laptop.
The Chef
Cookie Compromised!
The Maitre d'
I'll add it to the list:
"Eat more vegans. The Chef commands it."
"Extreme paranoia is total awareness."
"Cookie compromised!"
Seriously. We need to make buttons to take to cons. At the very least for ourselves.
The Maitre d'
I forgot to add the best button ever
Seriously, who could resist an offer like that?
The Chef
I could.