Miracle On Whatever Street The Buffet Is Located On

The Maitre d'

Act One: The Buffet Hires a Santa

We begin inside the lobby of the Chainsaw Buffet. It is the 1940's. We know it is the 1940's because everything is sort of grainy and in various shades of gray. The Maitre d' is standing patiently at his fancy little podum thingy in the lobby waiting on customers to show up.

Enter The Chef and Dirty Old Hobo Dressed Up Like Santa Claus

The Chef: Hey, I found a guy to play Santa for us this year.

The Maitre d': Do we really need one? I mean, a department store Santa I can see, but a restaurant Santa?

Chef: Sure we do! We'll have parents bringing their kids here in droves!

Maitre d': But... they're going to be too busy eating to talk to Santa. It's just not practical.

Chef: Nah. Come on, you're always talking about how we need to capture that family-friendly demographic.

Maitre d': Well, yeah. But... dude, he reeks of vodka and urine.

Chef: Look, we can get a fancy-schmantzy Santa impersonator who's clean and sober and pay him something above minimum wage. Or we can go with this guy.

Maitre d': Well, it is the Christmas season, and I'm sure he could use the money.

Chef: Actually, he probably doesn't need it. I found him after he knocked over a liquor store. That's why he's carrying around the crowbar.

Maitre d': Well, at least he needs a warm place to stay for the evening.

Chef: And a place to lay low until the police lose him.

Maitre d': Lovely. So how long before the cops come knocking on our door?

Blue lights begin flashing through the Buffet's windows. Sirens blare.

Chef: I'd say right about now.

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