There it is, back from frying over the fires of Hell. A monster which will freeze your blood and harrow your very soul, or at the very least send you to the emergency room with your left arm feeling numb. A sandwich like this should probably come with a coupon for a free angioplasty.

The Maitre d', needless to say, was somewhat skeptical and concerned for his health. In his words, "This is basically the thing that killed Elvis. It should really be more fearsome than it is."

That said, it was scary enough that he refused to eat the entire sandwich. After some negotiating and several rounds of "nuclear bomb-cockroach-meth lab" (our replacement for the traditional "paper-rock-scissors"), including indulging the Maitre d' in his "best 23 out of 45" rule, we finally negotiated a compromise. He would eat half of the infernal sandwich if I then ate the other half.

Once the negotiations were settled, it was time for the moment of truth: would Dylan eat this monstrosity? If you don't know the answer by now, you should. Here's a hint: it isn't "no".

There he is, caught in the act. Seconds later, he devoured the cameraman for dessert.

From the sound of such a thing, you would expect a fried Nutella and banana sandwich to immediately induce a massive orgasm the likes of which the Maitre d’ hasn’t seen since that time Kiera Knightley seduced him in Acapulco. Sadly, this was not to be the case.

In the words of the Maitre d' himself: "I basically liked it, but for as horrible for you as it is supposed to be, it wasn't all that impressive. Seriously. More sweetness, more greasy butter flavor, more... something. If I'm going to kill myself slowly it better taste crazy good while I'm doing it."

Then came my turn. Would the Chef blanch at something that Goat did with ease? Well, come on, it's just Nutella and bananas. On the whole, I'd have to agree with the Maitre d's assessment. It's good, but it's not the kind of once-in-a-lifetime moment of sublime bliss that by all rights it should be. With that much fat in it, this death sandwich should probably taste more impressive. I say that next time, we should batter-dip the Nutella sandwich and deep-fry the sucker.

Well, there it is. The Maitre d' did comment that we really should have set the bar a little higher for the first article in this series, but I felt it was important to start out slow, because next time, we're going to try something truly horrifying that will freeze the marrow in your bones and shoot your blood pressure off the charts: Marmite!

See more articles from: Will Dylan Eat It?

comments powered by Disqus