The Church of the Immortal Robot Reagan: The Next Revelation
The Reagan's head may be sleeping in holy repose in a jar in Area 51, but His spirit is very much active in the world today, fighting for Truth and Patriotism on planes of existence that we cannot comprehend because we are not (yet) ourselves immortal robots. We among His Church must keep the faith, to see that the Reagan's kingdom comes to pass here on the mortal plane as well as in the heavens.
As we strive physically to raise money to build the Reagan's earthly immortal robot body, we must also strive spiritually to understand the truths of Capitalism. The forces that oppose His divine will must be banished from out hearts and minds. For not only will the Reagan rule over a physical America drenched in a glorious eternal morning, but He will also reign forever over an invisible realm of the human heart.
Already, on the divine planes of existence, the Reagan's benevolence has spread. Using our Afterlife Communication System (patent pending), with which we can see into other realms of existence (and you can, too, for a donation of $10,000 to the Church - you wouldn't expect a congregation following the Great Reagan to give anything away for free, would you?), we of the Church have observed His triumphs. The Great Reagan's spirit, although not yet housed in His yet-to-be-constructed immortal robot body, has conquered all other false faiths. He has slain the Flying Spaghetti Monster, crushing its so-called religion beneath His jackbooted heel. From now on, the pirate-dressed masses have no one to worship!
Truly, it is a great day for America and the world. Praise Capitalism!
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The Maitre d'
So...
Yeah, keep saying that. I have no sympathy for you when the pirate ship pulls up to your house and they make you walk the plank. And don't say, "oh, but the pirate ship can't do that, I don't live anywhere near water." You will receive a smiting from his noodly appendage.
Seriously, though, you're way too good at writing cult tract material.
The Chef
Please.
reaperman