Movie Reviews for Short Attention Spans
As some of you know, I recently got a new job. Yeah, that's an odd way to start a movie review article, but let me finish. As part of this job, I get to work at home. So I get to do nifty stuff like put movies on in the background while I'm working.
Really, I find it helps me concentrate better than listening to music. It's slightly more active so I don't find myself wanting to slack off as much. (Maybe I'm ADD, who knows.) And let's face it, I've listened to everything good on my music server too much to hold my attention anymore. I love Good Monsters but I'm pretty sure I've listened to it eleventy bajillionhundred times already, and let's face it, "Work" is probably not helping me be less depressed. (Although I freaking want to play it on Rock Band every time I listen to it--do you hear me Harmonix?)
Anyway, here's a review of some of the movies I've watched. And the reviews are short because I've only been halfway paying attention.
Get Smart's Bruce and Lloyd Out of Control
Say that three times fast.
This movie is hilarious, whether or not you've watched the series or the new movie. OK, sure, it's painfully obvious that it's tied in to the movie, because they keep mentioning why Max and 99 and The Chief aren't around. I'm OK with the fact that you couldn't get the stars of the movie into this direct-to-DVD release; you don't have to apologize. You're good enough without them, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Unfortunately, it also feels like a spy show written by Nickelodeon... except with lots of adult dialog and cursing. (This may be exacerbated by the fact that I think The Underchief played the dad on some Nick show or another.) If you can get past the fact that government agencies work nothing like the way they're portrayed in the film, it's quite enjoyable. Especially if you're a geek and can identify with the main characters.
And to The Chef: it's 100% Steve Carrell-free.
Idiocracy
I'm not sure how I missed this one. It's made by the same guy that did King of the Hill and Office Space. While it's not as quotable as the latter movie, it does have its moments. And it did give us the greatness that is BRAWNDO: The Thirst Mutilator.
This movie is like Futurama gone wrong. Instead of being technologically advanced, the future is filled with sex, advertising, and stupidity. As commentary, it's decent. If it took itself more seriously it would make for better social commentary, but it wouldn't be nearly as awesome.
If you do not watch this movie, it's worth it to at least watch the introduction that explains why natural selection will fail the human race. It's classic. It's epic. I laughed, I cried, I feared for the future of humanity. It gives credence to The Chef's theory that 75% of people are too stupid to live.Little Miss Sunshine
OK, this movie starts out being funny, but it gradually becomes a heartwarming, if depressing, look at the meaning of success and failure. And I'm OK with that, because I'm sensitive enough to enjoy that kind of thing every now and again. Shut up and quit laughing at me.
The movie is rather dark, and plays up the darkness for laughs. (Either that, or I'm a horrible person.) I won't go into it here since these reviews are supposed to be short, and any details would just spoil it.
What I do like is the movie's commentary on success and failure. Greg Kinnear's self-help guru is society's standard understanding of what success means: you have to win, or you fail. OK, it's a little over-the-top, but the basic sentiment is pretty accurate. The movie then precedes to counter this in every possible way. Failure's OK if you got dealt a bad hand, and try your best, and don't sell out who you are. In fact, it's sometimes better than winning. And sometimes the bad guys aren't always such bad guys.
And to The Chef: it's not all about Steve Carrell, so I think you could stomach it.
Fullmetal Alchemist
OK, I've also been watching through FMA. I'm not going to write a review. You either know about it or you don't by now, depending on whether you like anime.
Sadly, I'm finding that it's dragging by episode 40. It was really good earlier on, but I'm kinda over all the fighting and crazy revelations and Ed wigging out every time someone says the word "short." This is why I can't really do series that go over 26 episodes.
And I really want to like it more. I generally greatly enjoy BONES work. I mean, I would give my left arm if they would make Scrapped Princess Reloaded* or RahXephon 2: Electric Boogaloo**. But it seems like if they go over 26 episodes (I'm looking at you too, Eureka Seven) I just can't get into them.
* You'll get this if you watch the series.
** Unlike with Scrapped Princess, there's no inside joke here. It's just a token "Electric Boogaloo" reference. Enjoy it.
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reaperman
The Maitre d'
At what?
The Maitre d'
Also...
The Maitre d'
FMA
Darkest sketch! Darkest sketch!
The Maitre d'
Anime cliches
The Worst Kept Secret
At least one plot point will involve a secret or mystery the POV character(s) are trying to solve. It will turn out that nearly every main character will be (a) in on this secret or (b) integral to this secret (although this will be unknown to them) such that the answer was right under everyone's noses. Real conspiracies, of course, tend to fall apart when this is the case, but in anime this will only happen after The World Changing Event is already underway.
Example: See the list of BONES shows I just mentioned.
The Busboy
Gonna have to disagree with you on this one ...
Secondly, I will kill everyone in Japan to keep RahXephon 2: Electric Boogaloo or any other sequel from happening. I'm not saying I didn't like the show, I'm just saying "no mas".
Finally, I feel very confident that the Get Smart direct-to-video movie is not even as remotely entertaining as you think it is. I'm even willing to put my money where my mouth is and watch it, and submit a Real-Time Review for it. And while it's true that humor and taste are subjective things, and there is no right or wrong, and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I still have to say you're wrong about everything I just talked about. Very, very wrong.
reaperman
The Chef
Indeed.
The Maitre d'
You will note...
I did know about a lot of the reveals. I'm just saying, after a while it gets old. Shocking reveals are, arguably, easy way outs of having to do character and plot development. Not that 99% of anime doesn't rely on it, but 52 episodes worth gets a bit old. And not that FMA didn't totally make up for it when it got dark at the end.
Actually, you pretty much can't do a sequel to Scrapped Princess or RahXephon. I trust, having watched enough anime, I don't have to say why. Well, OK, a Scrapped Princess sequel could probably be shoehorned into the storyline, but RahXephon literally wraps up by explaining the mysterious imagery that opens up the first episode. You would have to throw out all the character development, which was the thing that made it interesting.
The Maitre d'
Get Smart: Out of Control
I'm quite willing to admit it's not that great--I thought that came through in the review. It's good for a few laughs, but it's pretty painful in places too, mainly because CONTROL seems to operate more like a frat than a secret spy organization. (Then again, going back and watching the original Get Smart series, CONTROL seems to act sort of like a poorly-managed office than a secret spy organization.)
The Maitre d'
But!
Will you do it with a giant robot? 'Cause that would be awesomely ironic.
Sir Silverware
No need
The Maitre d'
Yup.
Complete with magic powers or a giant robot or a reason to seek out and train in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
Your attack would merely be hastening your own demise.
Sir Silverware
While we're on the subject
The Maitre d'
Hmm.
The aforementioned RahXephon completely encases it in a giant, nigh-impenetrable dimensional bubble, and convinces all of its residents that the rest of the world has been destroyed. Apparently, people from other dimensions can cast a really badarse form of Mordenkainen's Magical Mansion, complete with time dilation effect.
Ah! My Goddess... I don't think it happens in Tokyo, but a friggin' ginormous Silent Mobius-style symbol eventually appears in the sky over one city. You're going to have to watch through the entire series to get that, though. Hope you like sappy romantic comedies bordering on harem anime.
In Madlax, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Scrapped Princess, Tokyo doesn't exist. Madlax happens in a world similar to modern-day Earth, but the countries are all different. And anyway, it's more European/South American, from what I can tell. Scrapped Princess is medieval fantasy, so there's no Tokyo. Fullmetal Alchemist is sort of early-20th-century-with-magic fantasy, but it's not actually set on Earth, so there's no Tokyo.
Love Hina, Chobits, Mahoromatic, Noir, and Welcome To The NHK are all too realistic (or at least low-fantasy/low-tech) to destroy Tokyo.
Samurai Champloo obviously happens way before giant robots and is too realistic to destroy Tokyo.
... I'm trying to think of other shows I like, but I think that's it. Honestly, if you want giant robots destroying Tokyo, you pretty much shouldn't listen to me. That's not my sort of thing. Actually, it's been said that there are certain qualities that make a show a "Dylan anime," and these usually (1) make everyone else dislike them and/or (2) mean fighting takes a backseat to other plot elements.
The Maitre d'
Er, I mean...
And now that I think about it, Mahoromatic may destroy Tokyo. It's been a while. It does feature androids.
Sir Silverware
Full disclosure
Perhaps Tokyo-destroying simply went out of style in the last decade? Or maybe all the Osaka-based animators retired? Knowing Osakans, they would probably break out the beer bong every time Tokyo got blowed up.
The last two anime series I watched in their entirety are Giant Robo - awesome, should have watched it years ago... and Abenobashi. Of course I thought it was excellent, as I'm a sucker for "Giant X" productions. Otherwise, I've missed many of the more popular series of the past few years. It's been a long time since I could walk into Suncoast, look at the anime section, and note that I owned almost everything on the wall (except the long, awful line of DBZ products). Now it's more like, "WTF is this and when did it come out?"
The Maitre d'
Full disclosure...
But, until the anime industry hit a downturn recently, the American anime industry was importing tons of smaller series. So, you could wait for a box set, drop $30-$60, and get a 26 episode series in any of several different genres. Of course, the industry isn't as strong as it was a couple of years back. One could attribute this to anime peaking out and declining, or the economy, but The Busboy will lay this at the feet of people who download anime off the interwebs.
Comedy really isn't my thing in most cases (at least the frantic, crazy chibi-filled comedies, that is). I typically prefer drama. But, I can recommend a few shows in that genre (some of these are older so you may have already seen them):
Martian Successor Nadesico - A parody of Star Trek, the space anime, and the giant robot anime genres. The crew of a starship fight off invaders from Jupiter. (Several of them are otaku, and just waiting to get to pilot some giant robots.)
Dai-Guard - Office workers get drafted into becoming giant robot pilots. A parody of sentai team anime.
Desert Punk - In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a legendary (but not entirely successful) bounty hunter makes his fortune... and spends a lot of time chasing after a well-endowed woman. The English dialog is really well written--it's not just a straight translation, they make it hilarious. (You would never think of some of the terms for breasts that the Desert Punk comes up with.)
Samurai Champloo - This is what I'm watching through right now. It's sort of serious and tells a story, but it's sort of episodic. I include it in this list because it has its own bizarre sense of humor (think Cowboy Bebop--a lot of the same people worked on it).
Hey, are you coming to The Chef's wedding? We should get everyone together and talk anime and crap.
The Chef
Far as I know...
I liked Samurai Champloo, but it just seemed kind of meandering. It doesn't really tell a story; the characters just ramble from town to town.
I can see it now - my bachelor party consists of watching anime.
The Chef
Oh, and...
-Pumpkin Scissors: Kinda like Last Exile, but ground-based. And without a creepy white-haired bishonen with a crush on the (male) main character. Vaguely Germanic setting, cleaning up after a major war and setting the country back in order. If you're the kind of person who loves reading history films about Hitler's wonder weapons, you'll love this. Great animation (it's done by Gonzo), good characters, very cool production design, and an intriguing plot. I have the first two volumes and will be picking up the rest eventually (I think they're up to, what, v5 now?).
-Moonlight Mile: Slow, plodding, and serious. Not sure if anyone else would enjoy this heavy drama about heading for the moon, but I kinda did. Again, I only have the first couple of volumes, but so far it's pretty damn good. Oh, and it has a drunkard genius Japanese construction worker in an astronaut training program - doesn't get any more bizarre than that.
-Yukikaze: Found the last part of this OVA series a while back. Think of it as kinda like Macross, but without the airplanes turning into giant fucking robots. Beautiful near-future aircraft designs, even though they cheap out on the animation for everyone but the hero's ride. A pointless plot that answers absolutely no questions about the invaders the humans are fighting (including what the hell they actually are or what the limits of their abilities are) punctuated by superbly-choreographed aerial dogfights. Don't bother watching more than one of the five episodes unless you're really an aircraft fan.
The fan-download community has been going crazy for Gurren Lagann the last year or so. I eventually plan on picking up at least the first volume. From what I can tell, it's a crazy post-apocalyptic super robot show with a visual style that makes me think of Go Nagai's stuff.
The Chef
D'oh.
reaperman
Sir Silverware
OK, here we go
The Chef and the Maitre d' have both been kicking my aft in terms of anime watching, and I don't have much of an excuse because my DVDs are all close at hand. If you were to look at my collection, you'd see a copy of most major anime releases from approximately 1999-2003. The big drop off in 2003 is the result of my actual move to Japan, which (go figure) caused me to lose interest in anime, or at least enough to make me stop blowing entire paychecks at Suncoast. I guess seeing the stuff you see in anime in real life was better than paying $28 for a DVD.
And let's have a moment of silence for the late, lamented Replay Club.
Anyway, since this is kinda turning into an anime-based thread anyway - I do think I tried to sell the Chef on anime with Dirty Pair: Project Eden, which wasn't pr0n but did feature mostly naked chicks fighting aliens and mad scientists and was one of the best ways to promote anime back in the days when everyone, EVERYONE wasn't watching it.
Going off my early '00s-centered collection, my favorite anime feature films are: Urusei Yatsura: Beautiful Dreamer, Ghost in The Shell (directed by the same dude!), Wings of Oneamis, Dagger of Kamui, Princess Mononoke, Project A-ko, Perfect Blue, Ninja Scroll, and Castle of Cagliostro.
Favorite TV series/OAV are: Bubblegum Crisis (the original, but the reboot wasn't bad), Macross Plus, 3x3 Eyes, Dirty Pair, Trigun, Tenchi Muyo, Love Hina, Giant Robo, Cowboy Bebop, Black Heaven, Urusei Yatsura, Ranma 1/2, Crest of the Stars, Devil Lady, Escaflowne, the extremely gay Battle Athletes: Victory, the slightly less gay Princess Nine, Jubei-Chan (haven't seen the sequel), Martian Successor Nadesico, Berserk (aka The Series with the Worst Ending EVAR!), El-Hazard, Big O, and Hand Maid May, featuring Koichi Yamadera's all-time greatest performance as an insane perverted jackass (a role he's incredibly good at).
The Shit List: Genocyber (seriously, this is just f**ing awful), MD Geist, Akira, Dragonball anything, anything based on collectible card games. Would have more but haven't been doing much watching. But I'll put Naruto on here because it looks like DBZ with better character designs.
OH CRAP!: I don't like Evangelion. It's 55% the best series of all time, and 45% EPIC FAIL. Why? Because f**k Hideaki Anno, that's why.
Big Mistake: Not watching Ruroni Kenshin, which ought to be available in some mega-boxset and deserves my money.
Sir Silverware
Forgot one