Revelation of the Snake Hooptie!

The Chef

Clearwater, FL (AP) The Chef, High Exchequer of the Church of the Immortal Robot Reagan, revealed on Monday a new vision of the future: the long-prophesied return of the Snake Hooptie is at hand. The fabled car/cobra hybrid is seen by many Roboreaganologists as a sign that the imminent resurrection of their Lord is due to occur soon. In accordance with Roboreaganologist theology, many believe that the Snake Hooptie will arise to consume half of mankind and rule over the other half for a thousand years until the Immortal Robot Reagan rises in his cyborg body to destroy it and usher in a new era of peace, prosperity, and Capitalism.

The vision reportedly occurred immediately after the Chef consumed a leftover Bonzo Burger. "It had been sitting in the fridge for about a week, but I was really hungry and there wasn't any other food in the house," the Chef remarked. "The power might have been off for a while last Thursday, but I don't think the mayo had gone bad or anything."

The Chef went on to describe his vision. "I saw the car - it was blacker than midnight - floating down on a cloud. Its hood ornament was the naked torso of a beautiful woman - the body of an angel. And she had the head of a rattlesnake! And her tongue was flicking out like this-" The High Exchequer proceeded to demonstrate. "I took all this to mean that the Snake Hooptie was coming for us, and soon."

The Chef noted that the full vision of the Snake Hooptie and the coming rule of the Immortal Robot Reagan will be available in the Church's new book, Devoured! The Last Testament of the Snake Hooptie. Currently in the process of being published, the book will be available through the Church of the Immortal Robot Reagan for $49.95. "It's a really good read," the Chef remarked. "I'm pretty sure I was sober when I wrote it. Praise Capitalism!"

The Snake Hooptie declined to comment.

See more articles from: The Church of the Immortal Robot Reagan

Comments

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reaperman

SOOOOON!

September 1, 2008 03:45 PM

SNAKE HOOPTIE!!!!!

The Chef

So...

September 1, 2008 03:48 PM

Any final thoughts?

The Maitre d'

Well...

September 1, 2008 04:20 PM

... it's no crazier than some of the other eschatology that's out there.

What's a Bonzo Burger, anyway?

The Chef

You are wise to ask, young Padawan.

September 1, 2008 05:24 PM

The secrets of the Bonzo Burger shall be revealed in time. It is a large chain, one which everyone knows. You should try it sometime.

Jimmy the Squid

It only goes to show...

September 1, 2008 05:43 PM

This really only adds evidence that one of my words of wisdom (which I cite often). I have always suspected that most of your pathetic excuses for religious texts were written because the author hallucinated after getting food poisoning.

Oh, and remember to vote Jimmy come November!

reaperman

FOOLS!

September 2, 2008 06:09 PM

WE WILL ALL BE DEVOURED IN THE SNAKE HOOPTIE'S SMOKING MAW! REPENT!

Jimmy the Squid

You're all fools, human lunch meat.

September 5, 2008 10:21 AM

Only the Chef would be dumb enough to rip off Jesco White, the Dancing Outlaw, in one of his fake religious tracts.

reaperman

Squids too...

September 5, 2008 08:32 PM

WILL BE DEVOURED. BOOGITY!

The Chef

Indeed.

September 5, 2008 09:40 PM

The difference is Jimmy's going to be devoured before the rest of us.

Our blue-plate special tonight is calamari - all you can stand to eat.

reaperman

September 6, 2008 09:46 AM

I can stand to eat quite a bit.


BOOGITY!

Jimmy the Squid

I doubt it.

September 6, 2008 10:05 AM

I doubt it, human lunch meat. You will all be devoured, not by your "Snake Hooptie", but by my uncle when he rises from sunken Ry'l- er, by no one. No one at all.

I still fail to see why you pathetic hominids would fall for any of this nonsense. Surely rational thinking would have prevailed by now...hmm...I see Obama's campaign still has supporters, so I guess not.

Vote Jimmy!

The Chef

Dammit...

September 6, 2008 10:41 AM

I really need to move the soup pot away from the computer. Sorry about that, folks.

reaperman

September 6, 2008 03:46 PM

You had better rein in the special. After all, an "accident" could befall our friend. Then what would all those japanese school girls have to scream about?

The Chef

Plenty of things.

September 6, 2008 04:06 PM

With you around, plenty of things.

reaperman

Well...yes.

September 6, 2008 06:45 PM

But, besides me Jimmy is all they have. He's practically an institution. Would he want to make them cry...with sadness... instead of pain and humiliation?

The Chef

I would assume.,..

September 6, 2008 06:47 PM

I would assume Jimmy just likes making them cry for whatever reason he can.