Twilight Valentine's Day Cards

The Maitre d'

Want to tell that special someone how you feel? And how you're a 108-year old unholy abomination? And that you want to emotionally abuse them by telling them you can never be with them, yet stalk them relentlessly? And show them you don't have the first farking clue what a healthy relationship is like?

WORRY NO MORE! Just print off these designs and watch your object of affection/focus of unhealthy obsession swoon^*!

But don't give them to nerds. Nerds are so lame.

^* Effect only guaranteed if you're hot. Otherwise, these messages are a one-way ticket to RESTRAINING ORDER CITY!

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Comments

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The Chef

Restraining order city?

February 15, 2009 09:53 AM

Sounds like you've got some firsthand experience with restraining orders there, buddy.

The Maitre d'

Restraining order city

February 15, 2009 01:40 PM

It's right next to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE JUNCTION.

I've never been there, but I've been checking the maps just in case.

The Maitre d'

Restraining order city

February 15, 2009 01:47 PM

Also, no, I do not have experience. But seriously, have you ever watched a chick flick? Dudes get away with creepy stalker crap because they're hot. An ordinary guy would be locked up in a bughouse for doing the same thing.

Which is part of the joke. Everything I've heard about this series points to the protagonists as being seriously damaged socially and emotionally, but it's OK and even heroic 'cause they're OMGHAWT. However, I think this would have been a happier ending.

The Chef

Chick flicks

February 15, 2009 04:33 PM

Yes, sadly, I've seen many chick flicks, but this is because I have a relationship with a woman. What's your excuse for knowing too much about them?

reaperman

March 6, 2009 10:19 PM

Because he too is a woman.