Mystery Meat
It could be anything.
Public Service Announcement: The Slants' New Album Now Shipping!
For once, we're talking about something serious!
MTAC 2009: Scenes from a Line
A short vignette of interesting people encountered in a line at MTAC.
A Visitor's Guide to The Strip
Near the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, exists a length of road referred to as "The Strip." More often than not, it suffers a crippling douche bag/drunken slut infestation. This brief list will prepare you for what to expect should you ever find yourself visiting The Strip.
Twilight Valentine's Day Cards
Want to let that special someone know that you're peering in their window, silently watching them sleep every night? Here's how!
What the Fuck Happened to the Future?
At one point in time, everyone predicted that by the end of the 21st century's first decade, we'd have a shiny new future of flying cars, personal jet-packs, and robotic servants. Instead, in 2009 we have a global economic meltdown and an internet full of porn. Where the fuck did we go wrong?
A Chainsaw Buffet Thanksgiving
As we celebrate the first year of Chainsaw Buffet, the Chef shares the heartwarming rags-to-riches tale of the Buffet's origins. Hilarious hijinks and homeless winos being served for dinner ensue.
Chainsaw Buffet: The Takeout Menu
We decide to finally get our shit together and start promoting the site. What fake restaurant is complete without an equally fake takeout menu?
An Ode To Walmart
Where else can you walk in and pick up bread, milk, a 25 pound dumbbell, some goofy looking boots, two tubes of fabric glue, all in the same place?
Bigfoot and the Epic Scientific Fail
Apparently this is what passes for science these days: a photo of a fursuit in a refrigerator and a big press conference announcing they're going to be doing some tests.
Legend of the Snake Hooptie
The Chef shares with you a story of the greatest car ever spotted in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
The Chef Is A Snob
The Chef admits that he is, in fact, a snob. But it's not for the reasons you think.
The Legend of Cornshirt
The Cornshirt: coming soon to a white trash wedding near you.
Five Immutable Truths of Indiana Jones
There are certain things you can expect from an Indiana Jones movie, and here they are.
Four Reasons Iron Man's Tony Stark Fails as an Engineer
It's not that he's not brilliant and charismatic. It's just that he's more of a mad scientist than a mad engineer. (Spoilers ensue.)
The Top Ten Reasons Firefly/Serenity Is Better Than Star Trek
The Chef shares one of his peculiar obsessions: that little show about a spaceship. No, not the goddamned Enterprise.
The Maitre d's Guide to Cosplay
The Maitre d' creates one costume, and apparently declares himself enough of an expert to write a whole friggin' article on the subject.
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
The Maitre d' visits his parents, and discovers how charming small-town suburbia can begin to turn into a trashy redneck mess in just a few months.
The Ultimate White Trash Wedding
The Chef shares his wedding plans involving a Pigeon Forge drive-thru window, an Elvis impersonator, and one of those t-shirts with a tuxedo printed on the front. Only in Tennessee are such things considered high class.
In Praise of Eliot Spitzer
The Chef expresses admiration for the man who has shown us what it truly means to be a public official: Eliot Spitzer.
The Greatest Law and Order Series Ever Created
Combining two random posts he made in the same day, The Maitre d' comes up with the most horrible greatest idea for a Law and Order series ever devised.
At least it would sell to the otaku crowd.
Vitamin C: the modern world's greatest placebo?
This article has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This website is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
The Maitre d': Mr. Potato Head?
The Chef has often claimed that my head looks like an uncommonly large potato. So now I'm asking you, loyal reader, to weigh in on this controversy. When you see my head, do you feel the odd urge to wrap it in foil, put it in an oven, fill it with sour cream, and feast on its delicate flaky insides?
Ten Years Ago...
As we approach the end of 2007, the Chef ponders how things have changed in the last decade.
The Chef Fucking Hates Traveling
The Chef recounts his holiday travels. Warning: This involves Northwest Airlines, so it has lots of profanity.
Miracle On Whatever Street The Buffet Is Located On
A heartwarming tale of holiday cheer featuring The Chef, The Maitre d', and some hobo dressed up like Santa Claus.
Digitally Inking Sketches with Inkscape and GIMP - Part 2
The Maitre d' continues his tutorial by covering the transition from Inkscape to GIMP. Also, a runthrough of what nifty things we can do in GIMP to make our image look awesome.
Digitally Inking Sketches with Inkscape and GIMP - Part 1
Or, how to create your own Maitre d' the cheap and easy way!
The Chef Goes to AWA
The Chef goes to Anime Weekend Atlanta. The horror...the horror...