Jimmy the Squid

Jimmy the Squid


Dining on our fine cuisine since November 23, 2007 03:46 PM

Profile

Jimmy the Squid is a mystery to even those who work at the Buffet. While he claims to be a simple disembodied tentacle, the truth is that only Gavin McLeod knows what lurks at the bottom of the Chef's soup pot (and Gavin isn't talking). Some claim that he is really an unknown horror from beyond space and time, laying in wait until the stars come right and his kind again rule the Earth. Others say he's just a piece of calamari gone bad.

Jimmy the Squid.
I miss Jimmy the Squid.
Like most creatures with minimal brain function, Jimmy's interests include talk radio and CNN. He occasionally posts his ramblings here on Chainsaw Buffet, spreading wisdom and harebrained theories alike. Professing the inferiority of the barely-evolved hominids who are the dominant species on this planet, Jimmy is an outspoken proponent for the rights of Cephalopod-Americans, often organizing protests against the serving of calamari.

No one really knows why Jimmy hasn't been served up for dinner by now. It's entirely possible that he holds some secrets to blackmail the Chef with.

Articles

Occupy Anonymous Street Instead

September 30, 2011 11:23 AM

Jimmy the Squid, Chainsaw Buffet's resident political commentator/blue plate special, offers his wisdom about why the 4chan retards marching on Wall Street means absolutely nothing.

Racism Is Alive And Well - In Al Sharpton's Mind, Anyway

February 20, 2009 08:59 AM

Jimmy the Squid, Chainsaw Buffet's presidential-candidate-in-exile/political commentator/renegade sushi, provides more breathtaking insight into the news of the day: the infamous New York Post cartoon that points out how much of a monkey Al Sharpton is.

The Kennedy Connection

December 9, 2008 09:39 AM

Jimmy the Squid, Chainsaw Buffet's resident failed presidential candidate/political blogger/conspiracy theorist/hairdresser/blue-plate special, unveils the real reason Hillary Clinton got herself a place in the Obama administration.

Going Back To The 90's Is Not "Change"

December 2, 2008 12:00 AM

Reeling from a stunning defeat at the polls, Jimmy the Squid, America's #2 candidate, explains how America has made a mistake in electing Obama.

Even More Blasphemous Politics! Now Low Sodium!

October 6, 2008 06:40 PM

Just when you thought Jimmy had been served up as the lunch special, the Squid returns with more insightful analysis of the race for president. Vote early, vote often, and above all vote Jimmy!

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Recent Comments

Has posted 34 comment(s)

You foolish ape-thing.

March 26, 2009 12:11 PM on Tom's Anger
Only a primitive hominid such as yourself, one carrying the chainsaw (the Squid does not bother to distinguish you mammals by name, as you are in the end all human lunch meat for the Great Cthulhu) would suggest that yours truly is less than his own squid, as it were. I do not think that you would like me to disclose your secrets, no? For I know all about you, suit-wearing monkey-man. And you, too, in the puffed-up hat and overblown ego. I know all of your secrets, and I am not afraid to tell them! So do not think for a moment that I am merely a front for another power, as I assure you I am the Squid and only the Squid.


Unless I might be the one in the poofy hat. Or the one with the suit and chainsaw. I might just be one of them, or controlling one of your minds.

Aha!

March 25, 2009 08:23 PM on Tom's Anger
I knew as much, human lunch meat. However, your government has lied to you yet again! That was no super-soldier program - it was merely an experiment run by a faction of what passes for your nation's management that was in fact dedicated to sterilizing large portions of your country's people without their consent in order to reduce the population for nefarious purposes best left unmentioned.

I am also given to understand that the one with the potato-shaped head was involved in these experiments somehow.

Jail...

March 25, 2009 02:02 PM on Tom's Anger
Jail does not count as "doing things to you", pathetic bag of mostly water. That, my dear primitive hominid, is merely you getting your comeuppance for your crimes against humanity and squid-dom (much as I have faith that Hillary Clinton will indeed see justice one day for what she did to poor Vince Foster).

Meh.

March 17, 2009 08:13 AM on A Visitor's Guide to The Strip
We're all heretics in one way or another. I've committed blasphemy in the eyes of most religions, even the fake ones like Scientology and the Church of Latter-Day Saints.

Fools!

March 16, 2009 11:07 PM on Racism Is Alive And Well - In Al Sharpton's Mind, Anyway
You're all fools! It's obvious that I am most certainly not the wine-guzzling undead one, either! You can take that to the bank, primitive stick-wielding ape-things!

Of course, now the first human lunch meat (the one in the fancy suit with the chainsaw; the Squid cannot be bothered to keep track of what passes for your "names") is merely attempting to change the subject, throwing accusations around (since obviously he cannot be me, since he be the one who was throwing around said accusations) that I may be disingenuous or even a front for some higher power. This is all completely separate from my main point, which is that your entire species is a pack of idiotic, gibbering hominids who should be wiped off of this planet.