The Maitre d'
The Maitre d'
Member since November 19, 2007 09:19 PM
Profile
Who is the Maitre d' of Chainsaw Buffet? That is an excellent question. Not much is known about this suave and debonair young man.
There are some who say he works at the buffet as a cover for his true identity: a spy working for Her Majesty's Secret Service. They say he is the man that supervillians hate and women love.
These people are morons, because they obviously have the Maitre d' confused with James Bond. Admittedly, it's an easy mistake to make. He does in fact look like a young Sean Connery. And he's as much of a jerk, too.
There are those who say the Maitre d' is a billionaire playboy who traded his fame and fortune away for the chance to live a normal life. And to work in a restaurant. And to carry around lawn care equipment at inappropriate times. I don't buy that, but if that's really the case, then he's an idiot.
There are those who say the Maitre d' is a wanderer from someplace not of this world. A traveler from the stars, come to learn about and partake of the mysteries of this planet. A traveler from the stars with a celestial chainsaw made of purest meteorite.
There are still others who say the Maitre d' lives in his parent's basement and spends all of his free time constructing scale models of the department stores of eastern Wyoming out of caulk, toothpicks, and used napkins.
These people are closer to the truth. Much closer to the truth that they would probably like to believe.
Articles
Chainsaw Buffet Podcast: Extreme Citrus Backwash!
The first episode of the podcast premieres: Enough energy drinks to make a moose's heart explode. 3p1c F41l in being Dad. Communists and Dragons. The Guitar Gods died for your r0xx0rz. Vurp. "Yeah, I played it. Shut up." Madden Forever. Turducken. Bulimic Kirby. Anorexic Fat Princess. Chrono Trigger is the best game ever! Aerith dies. King Captain Picard makes it so.
An Ode To Walmart
Where else can you walk in and pick up bread, milk, a 25 pound dumbbell, some goofy looking boots, two tubes of fabric glue, all in the same place?
Bigfoot and the Epic Scientific Fail
Apparently this is what passes for science these days: a photo of a fursuit in a refrigerator and a big press conference announcing they're going to be doing some tests.
Movie Reviews for Short Attention Spans
No, the movies aren't short. The reviews are. Because the Maitre d' is short of attention. Got a short little span of attention. And whoa his nights are so long. Also, you can call him "Al."
The Maitre d's Political Dream
Herein lies the madness that runs deep within the Maitre d's subconscious. Enter at your own risk. (You must be this tall to enter. Admission is free for kids with a valid adult's ticket.)
Recent Comments
Has posted 379 comment(s)
Really?
Interesting search terms...
"cloris leachman +rape +gavin mcleod"
I am not even kidding, although for my sanity, I wish I was. Somewhere out there, there's a guy looking for Mary Tyler Moore Show slashfic fanart.
I hate you, Interwebs.
Soulless science
(Well, you probably would if it was used to construct the Immortal Reagan's robot body, so I guess that's the wrong question to ask.)
Avatar puts it best...
"YES! Yes it can!"
Yup.
OK, everything.