The Maitre d'

Member since November 19, 2007 09:19 PM

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Who is the Maitre d' of Chainsaw Buffet? That is an excellent question. Not much is known about this suave and debonair young man.

There are some who say he works at the buffet as a cover for his true identity: a spy working for Her Majesty's Secret Service. They say he is the man that supervillians hate and women love.

These people are morons, because they obviously have the Maitre d' confused with James Bond. Admittedly, it's an easy mistake to make. He does in fact look like a young Sean Connery. And he's as much of a jerk, too.

There are those who say the Maitre d' is a billionaire playboy who traded his fame and fortune away for the chance to live a normal life. And to work in a restaurant. And to carry around lawn care equipment at inappropriate times. I don't buy that, but if that's really the case, then he's an idiot.

There are those who say the Maitre d' is a wanderer from someplace not of this world. A traveler from the stars, come to learn about and partake of the mysteries of this planet. A traveler from the stars with a celestial chainsaw made of purest meteorite.

There are still others who say the Maitre d' lives in his parent's basement and spends all of his free time constructing scale models of the department stores of eastern Wyoming out of caulk, toothpicks, and used napkins.

These people are closer to the truth. Much closer to the truth that they would probably like to believe.

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