Growing Up

“Growing up is for boring people who’ve had their soul and spirit crushed by miserable bastards who’d rather be accepted by shallow, fickle people than actually enjoy life. Everyone gets old, but there’s no reason to grow up.”

Exit Wound

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A Tree

I hate fake Christmas trees.

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The Maitre d’s Healthy Eating Tip!

The Maitre d’s Healthy Eating Tip of the Day:

“Salt balances out sugar and fat in about the same way that punching yourself in the face balances out being on fire.”
Will Dylan Eat It: Fried Nutella and Banana Sandwich

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No, really. I said “no”.

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Extreme paranoia is total awareness.

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It Tastes Like Poo

Oh, God, it's burning my brain!
It tastes like poo! Oh, God, it’s dissolving my brain!

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The Maitre d’ in Four Years

The Maitre d’ in Four Years:

“Do you think you can get to level 10?”

“Detective, I’m 30 years old, I live with my mother, and I have a Captain Kirk costume in my closet.”

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Ur soul. I must eatz it. NOW.

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Holy crap, I actually launched the site.

It’s a friggin’ Thanksgiving miracle.

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