The Maitre d’s Guide to Cosplay

Wearing a headband makes you a ninja

Don’t have the skill or dedication to make a costume? Just buy a headband, wear your normal clothes, and claim you’re some guy from Naruto. Seriously, there’s like a bajillion characters in that show–no one will know the difference if you can come up with a vaguely Japanese name.

Nudity trumps effort

This is especially true at general conventions like DragonCon, because you can always pass yourself off as some independent comic character no one has ever heard of (which also makes you sound edgy and hip). Also, this only works if you’re a woman.

If you don’t want to bother with making a costume, just create something scantily clad that still meets the con decency policy. (Well-placed duct tape or plastic wrap works great.) Conventions are filled with pasty-faced geeks who have barely even seen a real live woman, let alone one wearing next to nothing. You’ll get a hundred times more attention than that guy who painstakingly recreated Frodo’s outfit from The Lord of the Rings movies for a fraction of the work!

Try something difficult

If you want to really try something new, cosplay as a character of a completely different gender and body type (such as Sailor Moon or Faye Valentine if you’re a hairy overweight man). Think of this more as “an exciting challenge,” rather than “an abomination and crime against humanity.”

Choose a favorite character

Edward Elric is a great choice.

Go for realism

Don’t settle for anything less than a true metal replica of that sword your character carries around. Wood or plastic replicas are for suckers. Sure, bladed weapons are probably against the rules at most cons, but this is America and we have the Second Amendment dagnabbit! At least you’ll be able to hold off three or four security guards with it before they pry it from your cold dead hands. (Bonus–you’re pretty much guaranteed to become a Fark headline.)

White doesn’t look as awesome as you think

Thinking about making a white mage costume? No matter how badarse that white robe’s looking in your head, you’ll probably rethink it once you see it in person. You might be fine once you get to the convention, but there’s a lot of normals who might not recognize you as Jozan, Cleric of Pelor. Oh, sure, they’ll still see you as a figurehead who’s performing ceremonial duties, but they might not take too kindly to the ceremonial duties they think you’ll be performing.

Or, this being the South, they might be very proud to meet you.