As you may have noticed if you haven’t been living under a rock the size of the Maitre d’s enormous potato-shaped head, yesterday, the less-than-esteemed Hillary Clinton won the West Virginia primary. To this I, like many inhabitants of the other forty-nine states, say, “Big fucking whoop.” West Virginia doesn’t truly matter to anyone except Hillary and the Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd, who when he returns to his home state from Washington D.C. carries three suitcases. The first two suitcases are fully of money he’s bringing to his people, and the third is to carry his Klan robes. He’s a man of dedication, he is.
Right now, with little to no hope of actually securing her party’s nomination (short of manipulating things with the “some voters are more equal than others” superdelegates, which I really wouldn’t put past her), why is it that Hillary hasn’t simply conceded and given in? For one thing, the Clintons never simply give up and go away. She and her political cohort/husband have repeatedly refused to simply leave with dignity, hogging the spotlight every chance they get. She’s too stubborn to leave with anything resembling dignity (not that she ever had any to begin with).
Personally, I think Hillary is trying to earn herself a place as Barack’s running mate. At this point, it’s really her only option, other than going back to “representing” the people of New York (or whatever it is she claims she does). I’m still not exactly clear on how she got herself elected to the Senate from a state she’s never actually lived in and knows next to nothing about. Probably because even the citizens of Arkansas, who are too busy breeding with their siblings to notice national politics, don’t want her or her husband to come back there and stink up the outskirts of Little Rock. But on the other hand, I’m just a tentacle living in a soup pot, and some people say I smell like bad seafood.
So anyway, that’s probably Hillary’s only hope to have any kind of the power she craves like a crack whore needing a fix. She gets the nod to be veep, and she and Barack march over Mr. War Veteran McCain by demonizing him as an Evil RepublicanTM, as Hillary does to any and all of her political and/or personal opponents (not that there is any difference between the two in her mind). The Obama/Hillary ticket is successful come November, and in January we get a new but no less deadlocked party in the White House.
Here’s where the true deviancy of Ms. Clinton’s plan comes in. Once Barack is installed as President and Hillary as Vice-President, I think she’s going to have him killed. She’s not above having people whacked – just ask Vince Foster. Wait, you can’t because she had him killed. Guess that’s a bit of a conundrum there. Well, it’s just an expression. And I guess I should say allegedly had him killed, just to be on the safe side. Just like the sun is allegedly at the center of the solar system. That’s only a scientific theory, folks, and as the Creationists have taught us, just because it’s a theory doesn’t mean there’s any truth to it!
Mind you, if this hypothetical situation should come to pass, there will be no evidence that Hillary Clinton had anything to do with the assassination. She’d assume office and do all of the horrible things the Republican pundits already accuse her of doing. Or maybe not – for the Squid’s two pieces of eight, I would bet that the country ends up in the same kind of hate- and venom-filled deadlock we’ve had for the last eight years.
Keep in mind, though, it’s only a theory. Of course, it could come to pass if you don’t vote for me come November. The Send Us Money Party is the only thing standing between you this horrible future. Come November, remember to vote Jimmy!