Chainsaw Buffet Presents: The Busboy’s 2008 Otaku Holiday Shopping Guide

November 27, 2008 08:59 PM

To go along with my Friendly Reminders for Black Friday Shopping, I thought I would further ease your holiday woes by making you not think about the obese, disgusting, socially-inept people in your life by telling you what they want for Christmas (besides a quick and painless death via murder-suicide). So come hither and give heed as I unzip … er, unwrap my list of 2008 gifts for Otaku (a.k.a. “geeks”, “nerds”, “weirdoes”).

Anime

Code Geass Vol. 1 (Limited Edition)

KA-ME-HA-ME-BOOBS!!

What it is: It’s a show with giant robots, political intrigue, and product placement. Yay, Pizza Hut!!!

Why he’ll like it: Two words: Kallen. Stadtfeld. She’s like a female Super Saiyan- one moment she’s the quiet, sickly high school student, the next her hair’s spiky and her breast size jumped from a B to a D! KA-ME-HA-ME-BOOBS!!

Death Note Part 1 (Box Set)

My first target,
if I had a Death Note

What it is: It’s a chilling morality play about what happens to one’s mind when they’re given the power to control life and, especially, death.

Why he’ll like it: It’s an exercise in wish fulfillment. In truth, there’s nothing he’d enjoy more than being able to control the time and manner of one’s death. I could write a whole series of articles about celebrities I’d like to see kick the bucket in painful, amusing, and/or ironic fashions. Sadly, such power is beyond the reach of mortal man, so you may as well give him this instead.

Yu Yu Hakusho Season 3

What it is: It’s 28 more episodes from the show that was Bleach before Bleach was Bleach.

Why he’ll like it: Because [SPOILER] pretty-boy/total f***ing badass Kurama kills a little bitch of a 10 year-old called the “Game Master”, who was a little kid who that thought he was the shit when it came to playing video games. It’s basically what everyone wants to do to every child who’s ever been on X-Box Live, ever.[END SPOILER]

Gurren Lagann

What it is: It’s a giant robot anime from the kings of giant robot anime--Gainax.

Why he’ll like it: Flame bikinis. Fighting robots. Drills. Over-masculine main character. What’s not to like?

Video Games

Valkyria Chronicles (PlayStation 3)

What it is: It’s a turn-based strategy game set in an alternate-history World War II featuring gorgeous cel-shaded characters and a visceral real-time combat system.

Why he’ll like it: Hmm ... probably because in the first fifteen minutes you’re blowing up pseudo-Nazis with a motherf**king tank! Other than that, no reason.

Prince of Persia (PlayStation 3, X-Box 360)

What it is: A re-reimagining of a classic franchise complete with a new prince, a new female partner, and stunning visuals.

Why he’ll like it: It’s the closest he’ll get to having a real girlfriend. Or a friend who’s female. Or a casual acquaintance. Or a woman who’s not his mother that doesn’t have a restraining order against him or is willing to have sex with him without a monetary transaction being prominently involved. Or a rope and duct tape, for that matter. Or ...

Gears of War 2

What it is: One of those games disbarred attorney Jack Thompson doesn’t want you to play … allegedly.

Why he’ll love it: It might just be the entertainment he needs to keep from cutting up people with a chainsaw in real life. But it’s probably just delaying the inevitable.

Bratz Kids (Wii)

There is no reason anyone
should want this game.

What it is: An abomination unto the Lord.

Why he’ll love it: Because he’s a child hungry pedophile that no amount of counseling or so called re-habilitation will cure.

...

Allegedly.

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Comments

Discuss this article on the Chainsaw Buffet forums.

The Maitre d'

Prince of Persia

November 27, 2008 09:21 PM

It’s the closest he’ll get to having a real girlfriend. Or a friend who’s female. Or a casual acquaintance. Or a woman who’s not his mother that doesn’t have a restraining order against him or is willing to have sex with him without a monetary transaction being prominently involved. Or a rope and duct tape, for that matter. Or ...

... or chloroform.

It's what I use if I had to use something.

Which I don't.

Just sayin'.

The Chef

Should I call the cops?

November 28, 2008 08:18 AM

Should I call the police now, or should I just wait until you show up on America's Most Wanted and say, "I know that guy."?

The Maitre d'

Nope.

November 28, 2008 10:56 AM

I never said I had done this. I merely gave a recommendation for what I would do if it came down to it.

The Chef

Allegedly.

November 28, 2008 06:03 PM

So you claim. You sound like you have some experience in this matter. Firsthand experience.

The Chef

Re: Gurren Lagann

November 30, 2008 09:17 AM

Oh, by the by: Gurren Lagann gets even weirder toward the end of the series. It starts off as an homage to classic 70s giant robot anime, then it jumps seven years into the future and becomes an Evangelion homage, then shifts gears again into 70s space opera (Captain Harlock, Yamato, etc) homage. And it playfully invokes and sends up almost every anime cliche you've ever thought of.

Oh, and the overly macho guy isn't really a main character. In fact...

(Spoilers)

Kamina dies nine episodes into the show.