Going Back To The 90's Is Not "Change"
I have kept my silence for nearly a month after America repudiated my campaign at the polls. For some reason, the public either did not hear or did not understand my platform centering on important issues such as the annihilation of all humanity (as I have stated many times on the campaign trail, I am overwhelmingly in favor of it, and were I elected instead of the potted meat in a suit your public picked, I would have immediately pushed legislation through Congress to make my dream a reality). I blame the media, my running mate (Pauly Shore never was known for being great on the stump, but he did especially terribly as a VP candidate), my advisers, Julio Iglesias and Howard "Primal Scream" Dean, but above all I blame you, the television-brainwashed American public. That's right, I blame you (or at least unless you would be willing to vote for me in a recall election to remove your future President from office before he takes it). You have, sad to say, gotten exactly the President you deserve: an airhead who promised change and is now bringing to the table in January more of the same old slime-infested bullshit. In short, it's a trip back in time (minus Doc Brown's snazzy flying DeLorean) to the heady days of the 1990s.
Now, let me go on record as admitting that the Klinton regime was in fact happier times than we have now. However, those happier times were entirely unrelated to anything that Bill the Intern Boffer did. The economy was going well (although our current troubles did start during the last few months of Bill the First's rule, contrary to the media's "This is All Bush's Fault" rhetoric), we were too stupid as yet to realize the true threat of terrorism, and for the most part the right-wing nutbags were kept busy probing into Big Bubba Billy's personal affairs instead of annoying the American public. The none-too-bright saxophone-playing frat boy just sat back and let the good times roll and knew enough to not screw anything up too horribly (although that whole "not going after Bin Laden" thing came back and bit the entire country on the proverbial ass).
While Baroque Osama or whatever his name is (and yes, I do know his real name; I just enjoy imitating the brain-dead KKK sheet-wearing troglodytes who still fervently and falsely believe the man is a Muslim - the Squid is determined to mock both sides relentlessly and mercilessly until my coronation as Emperor of this wasted land) promised a spirit of cooperation and change, he has loaded his cabinet with people whose only previous political actions have been to rampantly oppose any sort of agreement or in fact doing much of anything at all.
Case in point: The Hate-Fueled Bitch. You might know her by the name "Hillary Clinton", who inspires a terror in everyone second only to Great Cthulhu himself. What would cause a presumably sane and rational human being to place a person who has shown him nothing but scorn, disdain, and bile into a position with his administration is beyond my understanding (and considering that I speak non-Euclidean geometry, that is saying something). Putting her into Obama's cabinet is like George Bush hiring Dan Rather to write his biography. As for why the Hate-Fueled Bitch accepted the post, that much should be obvious: she wants as much power as possible, and will pretend to be nice to anyone who offers here a position higher than the one she's in (unless they're a Republican).
The rest of our future El Presidente's cabinet picks are similar. Most of them are the same bunch from the Clinton administration, all champing at the bit to retake their offices.
Now, to be fair, none of this comes as any surprise to yours truly, or indeed to anyone with half a brain and an ounce of objectivity. After all, Obama chose as his running mate one Joe Bob Jim Boy Biden, as big a Washington insider as is humanly possible without having his head buried inside the Lincoln Memorial's asshole. The man has been in DC so long that he is covered in slime, mold, and mildew. To the Obama campaign, this represents "experience".
Now, I know I'm drawing some broad conclusions and as usual the Squid is pretty light on specifics (a fault I do point out in others when I can). But take a good close look at news stories relating to our impending Imperious Leader's picks for the people who actually run the country. It's all in there. Besides, others have said it better than I could.
The real question is this: during the campaign, was Obama telling the truth as he saw it and merely fell for his own campaign rhetoric and is now standing by as his handlers/advisers fill positions with people he doesn't like, or did he prattle on about "change", knowing full well that he would end up with the same bunch of folks the Clintons' little junta had brought in sixteen years before?
I guess what I'm really trying to say is this: BARACK OBAMA FUCKING LIED TO YOU, YOU STUPID TWO-LEGGED SHEEP! He promised a "change" that will never come. And you, you fell for it. So fuck you, America. You're getting what you deserve.
See more articles from: Blasphemous Whisperings
Comments
Discuss this article on the Chainsaw Buffet forums.
The Maitre d'
Just so you know...
But you do make a good point: while a very practical and smart thing to do, staffing a cabinet with Washington insiders after campaigning on "change" is a bit hypocritical.
But, y'know, it's politics. Every politician puts on a bit of facade when they're campaigning.
Jimmy the Squid
Beg your pardon?
What problems? The problem of too many strategically shaved apes running around?
The Maitre d'
Well, to make you feel better
I can't tell if this is an actual issue, or if this is just conspiracy theorist rules lawyering (you know, the same kind that wanted to claim Obama wasn't born in the US).
Jimmy the Squid
No, it does not.
And it does reek of the usual conspiracy theorist rules lawyering that your kind hauls out when they lack the brains to engage in an actual debate. There are many reasons that the Hate-Fueled Bitch shouldn't be appointed to any position other than Royal Doorstop, but this is complete bilge, bilge of the kind which only you, human lunch meat, would fall for.
The Maitre d'
Really?
I have it on good authority (from the Great Race of Yith, no less) that the beetle-folk won't overrun humanity for another couple of millennia.
Jimmy the Squid
Yes, really.
If I am elected to office, I promise to make the extinction of humanity happen. It's what the More Money For Me party stands for (kind of like the Libertarians, but more honest and without pushing for a national sales tax).
The Chef
Just to go on record...
The Maitre d'
To answer your question, sir.
Yes, I'm quite certain they haven't taken over my mind.
However, there was an awful five years of my life during which I suffered a terrible amnesia. My friends and family all said that during this time, I acted very out of sorts. I spoke as if I had learned English from a book but I had never heard it before. I had a most unusual knowledge of history, which I attempted to disguise any time I was questioned about it. My appetite for knowledge was insatiable. Thankfully, it ended--I am told I was working on a most odd contraption when I suddenly collapsed; the last thing I remember is coming to. After that, it was as if my previous episode had never happened.
Still, every once in a while, I have this dream where I awaken in a great stone city covered with hieroglyphs and write down all of the modern world's knowledge into a massive leather-bound tome.
reaperman
Please...
The Chef
A little too familiar...