Clearwater, FL (AP) The Chef, High Exchequer of the Church of the Immortal Robot Reagan, revealed on Monday a new vision of the future: the long-prophesied return of the Snake Hooptie is at hand. The fabled car/cobra hybrid is seen by many Roboreaganologists as a sign that the imminent resurrection of their Lord is due to occur soon. In accordance with Roboreaganologist theology, many believe that the Snake Hooptie will arise to consume half of mankind and rule over the other half for a thousand years until the Immortal Robot Reagan rises in his cyborg body to destroy it and usher in a new era of peace, prosperity, and Capitalism.
The vision reportedly occurred immediately after the Chef consumed a leftover Bonzo Burger. “It had been sitting in the fridge for about a week, but I was really hungry and there wasn’t any other food in the house,” the Chef remarked. “The power might have been off for a while last Thursday, but I don’t think the mayo had gone bad or anything.”
The Chef went on to describe his vision. “I saw the car – it was blacker than midnight – floating down on a cloud. Its hood ornament was the naked torso of a beautiful woman – the body of an angel. And she had the head of a rattlesnake! And her tongue was flicking out like this-” The High Exchequer proceeded to demonstrate. “I took all this to mean that the Snake Hooptie was coming for us, and soon.”
The Chef noted that the full vision of the Snake Hooptie and the coming rule of the Immortal Robot Reagan will be available in the Church’s new book, Devoured! The Last Testament of the Snake Hooptie. Currently in the process of being published, the book will be available through the Church of the Immortal Robot Reagan for $49.95. “It’s a really good read,” the Chef remarked. “I’m pretty sure I was sober when I wrote it. Praise Capitalism!”
The Snake Hooptie declined to comment.