The Kennedy Connection

As I pointed out before, your soon-to-be dictator-for-life (or at least until 2012, or possibly 2016) has been less than honest with the cretins who voted for him believing that he was actually going to make an attempt to move beyond the stale bile-filled gridlock. And as I have pointed out one of his chief obstacles to achieving any kind of harmony, compromise, or governing based on actual reasoning instead of public opinion polls is his very own nominee for Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton (who I shall refer to by her true name, “The Hate-Fueled Bitch”, from this point forward). It seemed to some, myself included, that this nomination was more than a little contradictory, given that most (not all, as we shall see in a moment) of Obama’s campaign was a break from the DNC’s old guard.

However, reading the daily propaganda, I have figured it out. Yes, my friends, Jimmy the Squid is about to dispense some truth. Not the kind of “truth” that overfed Oxycontin-addicted blowhard Rush Limburger or any of the other talk-radio fools would try to convince you is true when it’s merely more of their bullshit, but the real and honest truth as ole’ Jimmy sees it (which means you, fur-bearing mammal, can take it to the bank!).

You see, as the scandal rags have reported, as the Hate-Fueled Bitch heads off to take a post with the Politburo, one of the top contenders for her vacant seat in your Senate is none other than one Caroline Kennedy. Were you an actual sapient being instead of an American, you might recognize that name. You might also recognize the name of this drunken lout, who campaigned extensively for – not Hillary! – Barack Obama. This reeks of suspicion and seaweed. As you can see, this is no mere coincidence. In return for Obama (who Ted Kennedy, in his sober moments, seems to be manipulating to do what he wants) giving Hillary Clinton some small measure of the power she craves like a crack whore needing a fix, Hillary herself makes sure that her adopted state’s governor picks a member of the Kennedy clan to fill out her term sitting in the Senate and talking about how much she hates Republicans (let’s face it – Hillary Clinton has never done anything but that).

And all of this has come to pass because you, the voter, did not elect me to be your next President. For shame!

About Jimmy the Squid

Jimmy the Squid is a mystery to even those who work at the Buffet. While he claims to be a simple disembodied tentacle, the truth is that only Gavin McLeod knows what lurks at the bottom of the Chef's soup pot (and Gavin isn't talking). Some claim that he is really an unknown horror from beyond space and time, laying in wait until the stars come right and his kind again rule the Earth. Others say he's just a piece of calamari gone bad. I miss Jimmy the Squid.Like most creatures with minimal brain function, Jimmy's interests include talk radio and CNN. He occasionally posts his ramblings here on Chainsaw Buffet, spreading wisdom and harebrained theories alike. Professing the inferiority of the barely-evolved hominids who are the dominant species on this planet, Jimmy is an outspoken proponent for the rights of Cephalopod-Americans, often organizing protests against the serving of calamari. No one really knows why Jimmy hasn't been served up for dinner by now. It's entirely possible that he holds some secrets to blackmail the Chef with.