It all started with a dream. A dream of equal opportunities for hardworking robots everywhere to make a buck delivering tacos to hungry fleshies in need. Unfortunately, this week, that dream came crashing down at the hands of the FAA, who have said that employing robots in the food-delivery business is prohibited.
It’s a sad day for the United States when an honest, hardworking robot can’t even get a job delivering tacos. Well, you might ask, "why doesn’t the robot in question just join the military or the bomb squad? They hire droids all the time!" Perhaps said robot would rather work less hazardous duty – we all know that the military cares even less about the safety of their mechanical recruits than they do the fleshy ones. Or maybe a ‘bot just doesn’t feel like killing people any more and wants to settle down to raise a family. How are they supposed to leave their wife (or partner, given that I understand California now legally allows same-polarity robot marriage) every day and go to work for the bomb squad, knowing that each day could be their last? How can we condemn our robot citizens to only the most dangerous and unsavory lines of work? What about giving them the chance to have real careers?
What’s the matter, FAA? Robots are good enough to kill terrorists and shed their hydraulic fluid for this country, but when peacetime comes, you throw them away? We demand justice now. And tacos. Okay, mostly tacos. But justice, too.