I started this article three days ago, but due to various things coming up (and getting distracted by porn and booze), I didn’t get pictures taken for it. Well, and the camera broke. But mostly it was porn and booze. Then, once I got pictures taken, I went on a trip to Wal-Mart to get materials for an upcoming article, and ended up buying a few more Prime PVCs for the shelf. Then I had to rearrange everything to make room for the new ones, then I got distracted again by more porn and more booze. At least the camera didn’t break down again. Despite the hardships, here it is.
One of the good things about this series is that since I have to have something to fill this space on each given day, I can sometimes indulge in truly geeky things without my audience (all three of you) saying more than, â€œHey, the Chef must really be desperate to find something to write about today.â€? Today is one of those days, as I indulge my own self and can just tell you the reader to go bump off if you think itâ€™s weird.
Anyway, as a shameless whore for all things Transformer-y, I have a collection of the blasted things that would cause Chris Latta to turn over in his grave (765 at last count, not including duplicates of the same figure – this puts me somewhere in the middle of the road as far as collectors go). I’m not normally a huge worshiper of the giant robot Jesus, Optimus Prime in all his forms (I’m more of a Hot Rod fan – go ahead and snicker at the dirty joke that undoubtedly popped into your head right now.), but I had an empty shelf I didn’t know what to do with, so I decided to set up something to impress people.
What I’ve amassed here is a collection of thirty-four Optimus Primes and his various descendants and imitators. Truth be told, this isn’t actually that many compared to some of the various Prime shrines I’ve seen online, and compared to some fans my collection is downright tiny. The hardcore collectors will laugh at how pathetic I am, while the normal people will do the same for a different reason.
To go further into the truth, I’ll even admit that there are a half-dozen versions of Optimus Primal (including the Transmetal ones) I have that didn’t get put out here. The first reason is because they just plain won’t fit on the shelf. As it is, a couple of the smallest Primes have to stand on their bigger brethren’s shoulders. The second reason is that for a few years through Beast Wars and Beast Machines, Hasbro decided to abandon the traditional red-and-blue color scheme on Optimus Primal in favor of several variations of orange and blue. The Beast Machines incarnation of the character even ditched the usual Prime crest-and-antenna helmet in favor of a sort of a shaved-head African warrior look (don’t ask). So help me, they just don’t fit in design or color-wise, even though most of them are pretty nice toys in their own right.
At any rate, there are still four versions of Primal left on this shelf, plus his Japanese Beast Wars counterparts. That’s plenty of him to go along with the passel of Optimus Primes from various points in time. This shelf has more blue helmets, chest windows, and rigid grill structures than you can shake a stick at.
It’s also worth noting that I don’t actually own the original Optimus Prime toy. This is surprising considering that between the U.S. and Japan, it’s been reissued nearly a dozen times. I’ve just never bothered to get any of them. I do own the reissue of the original Ultra Magnus, which has the same cab-robot as Prime (except in white, obviously), though.
Come, browse this overstuffed shelf with me as I amaze you with my geekery.