Once again, we got out the jar of Marmite and proved just how horrible this substance can be. Some people have suggested that most of the cuisine of the British Isles is based on dares. Despite the fact that I actually like Marmite, I would tend to agree with this assessment. Our good friends across the pond would probably disagree. But would you really trust the judgment of a country that thinks spotted dick is a food instead of a porn star?
This time around, we had Dylan sampling two more ways of eating yeast extract. The first is my personal favorite, a nice Marmite and cheese sandwich. The second is the football hooligan’s favorite, Marmite as a hot drink.
Joining me in making Dylan run to throw up, we had a new participant along for the ride: Jen. She refused to actually sample the raw Marmite, and preferred to stand by and mock the Maitre d’ as he ate things not truly intended for human consumption. That, or just was the dishes and tell us to get out of the way.
As required by law for “Will Dylan Eat It?”, we forced Jen to endure what we call the “sniff test”. Namely, you stick your nose near whatever unholy abomination we’re trying and take a big whiff. She was less than impressed.
Immediately afterwards, Jen tried to get one of the cats to sample the Marmite. Trunks was not impressed and immediately ran to cower in a corner somewhere. I hear that later Jen was arrested for cruelty to animals. Exposing your pets to British food is considered abuse in the state of Tennessee.
First up was the Marmite-and-cheese sandwich. We used the same plain white bread from the first experiment and added a package of Cracker Barrel Vermont Sharp White. The Vermont White is a nice, mouth-filling extra-sharp cheese that compliments the saltiness of the Marmite quite nicely (or so the theory goes, anyway). Normal people enjoy it without adding it to the leftovers from beer brewing, much less putting the mess on a sandwich.
But we here at the Buffet refuse to play by the rules, especially those having to do with dubious culinary delights, and so here we go. Remembering his previous horrific experience, the Maitre d’ less-than-eagerly smeared Marmite on the bread and covered it with slices of the cheese. Unfortunately, the blockhead forgot to clean the knife and smeared Marmite over the cheese. Oh, well – more cheese for me, since I don’t mind the extra salt and yeast.
The final result is, of course, not that impressive-looking. Come on, it’s a cheese sandwich with some brown crap smeared on it. What do you want, some extra garnish?
This time, Dylan didn’t hesitate in sticking the sandwich in his mouth and taking a bite. After chewing it over, the esteemed Maitre d’ didn’t immediately run for the bathroom, which was disappointing. You know I’m only in this to torture Dylan, and every time he even sort of likes the things from these experiments, I die a little bit inside.
The Maitre d’ had this to say:
Much more tolerable than Marmite alone. The sharpness of the cheese
sort of masks the saltiness of the Marmite, but leaves just enough
saltiness to give it a nice flavor.